THE WONDER YEARS

If there’s one show on Earth that I would live to watch over and over and over again, hands down, it would definitely be The Wonder Years. Although The Wonder Years tells the story of young Kevin Arnold who lives in a suburban neighborhood in 1968, for people my age, The Wonder Years has become the mirror of what its like to live in the 80’s. The show captured the pain and triumphs of youth and each episode of the show would leave a smirk, a smile and an indefinable warmth associated with the wonders of being young.

I guess the magic of the show can be attributed not only to how tight-knit the cast are but more importantly, the brilliance of the message and moments of each episode. The last episode of the show was entitled, “Independence Day” and personally, ‘twas one if not, the most poignant ending I’ve ever seen. The show reminds us of what our life is all about. You see, The Wonder Years is part of my happy memory and I got so connected with the characters that watching the finale is always bitter-sweet. I own a downloaded copy of the series and it is always a “WONDER” to see the show over and over and over.

They don’t make shows like this anymore. The Wonder Years was good old fashion entertainment that dealt with real issues that our youth face. When I look back now, it reminds me that things were a lot simpler then. I guess, we can say that the problems we had then are nothing to the things that kids deal with today. Times change and things change. To borrow the words of the shows finale: “Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you’re in diapers, the next day you’re gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place, a town, a house like a lot of other houses, a yard like a lot of other yards, on a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is, after all these years, I still look back, with wonder.”

THANK YOU, TEACHERS!

Early this evening I was able to view a video posted in my friend’s FB wall and it read “The Teacher.” The video spoke about the gravity of the teacher’s influence over its students. I realized, that sometimes, we can never tell what type of impact we may make on another’s life by our actions or lack of action. While I was watching the video, I could not help but smile as I reminisce the great days when I was entering from classroom to classroom to deliver my lessons. It was great alright and I could not trade the experience for the world.

Let me use this chance to give my full salute, gratitude, and most of all admiration to all the teachers I have worked with. I have spent nearly six years with you and those moments have been the best.

Teacher Janith, you are the most talented, creative, diverse, and daring PE teacher I have ever encountered. I will be forever in awe with your talent. Your patience, personality, and understanding lights up the room and motivates the people around you to do the same. You played a huge role in the lives of your students. They are what they are now because you left an impact to them. I personally thanked you for the friendship. Thank you for accepting me despite my imperfections. I am forever grateful to you.

Teacher Piolen, there was a time in our lives that we clashed but, look at us now. We have never been this close. I miss your enthusiasm with life. I miss your note worthy fashion sense, your laugh, your obsession with high heels just to gain a few inches, your burluloys like your earrings, necklace, and bracelets, and most of all the way you wear your hair...from black to burgundy...from short to very short. I also miss the way you dance. Nobody has ever beaten you when it comes to dancing. You just rock on stage. Not to mention, your singing prowess. When all is said and done, I just want to tell you Tser Pio that I extremely miss you. You take care always.

Teacher Odessa, more than being my friend, you are like a sister to me (older sister). You have been so honest with your opinions most especially in the things that I do. You complement the good things I’ve achieved without sounding like you are patronizing. Most of all, there was never a time that I felt like an outsider every time we see each other. You remained to be the same Ulay I know – the Ulay who is sweet, thoughtful, lighthearted and full of fun. I’m beginning to believe that you are my female version. Don’t worry, when you grow old and still without a partner, I will find time to date you. That’s a promise!

Teacher Leticia, I learned a lot from you. You're an example of a teacher who knows what she is doing. Your knowledge in your subject matter is admirable and it shows with how you live your life. Your students look up to you and I believe they want to be like you...bubbly, talented, straight forward, intelligent and most of all generous, loving, and understanding. You don't judge people. You know yourself very well which is why you are confident but still humble. I truly admire you Tser L.

Teacher Flor, you have been my second mother. You protected me and took me under your wings. I never had the opportunity to thank you. You have been teaching for so many years already and I can’t just imagine the number of lives you touched. Those lives, I believe, were changed because of your love and commitment. Tser, I miss you and the times we eat lunch together; those times that we eat barbeque with halo-halo. I miss how you tease me when I start to sing in my office adjacent to yours. I miss the times when you give me one peso because I don't have any fare for the sikad driver. With that, I am so thankful. Words are not enough.

And to the mentor who changed me inside out. The mentor who took me in Angelicum and believed that I can be a teacher. The mentor who, despite of my being amateur was so patient and taught me what she knows in all aspects. Teacher Genie, you are the best. With all honesty, I am who I am now because you inspired me to be the best of what I can be. It was you who gambled and took chances for me. When I was just starting, it was you who placed a path for me. When I need consoling you were there to keep me company. Tser Gen, please continue to be a light and salt. I am so thankful of what you’ve done to all of us and I will be forever proud that once in my life it was you who taught me the joys of teaching.

To Teacher Cecille – my beloved Ginang, Sir Ryan, Tser Annie, Tser Jasmine, Tser Janjelene, Tser Merelle, Ma’am Arlina and to all the teachers I failed to mention - THANK YOU!

DOUBLE TREAT

This is a very late post for my two friends who celebrated their birthdays. I opted to write this entry anyway because I felt that I owe this to them considering the impact they brought to my life. This is my way of thanking them and letting them know that their birth is a blessing to me, their family and friends whom they touched – one way or another.

IT’S OUR MIKAY’S BIRTHDAY

We had a deal some 14 years ago that if we reached 30 and we’re still single, we’ll pull the strings and marry each other. Fast forward to today, I am currently in a relationship and very happy for that matter while Mikay is single and is having the time of her life travelling the world. I guess the deal is off (thank God!) which means that she will not be able to enjoy my delicious and to die for appeal hahaha

But seriously, I guess, we are still marrying each other – as friends. For me, marriage is not just a legal contract that creates kinship. It is more of an intimate relationship and a commitment to someone that you will be there for each other, for better or worse. So Mikay, am giving you my commitment of friendship, loyalty, generosity and honesty. I commit that I will make you smile when you feel alone; I commit to stand beside you and comfort you when needed; I commit to say the most honest things like you look awful in the camera crying when you and your ex-boyfriend broke up (but the hair and the outfit was smashin’ hot that time)

And lastly, I commit to be the same person you loved 14 years ago and I will love you just the same.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKAY!

Mikay 

Mikay and Migraine Boy

IT’S OUR QUOKAI’S BIRTHDAY

There are a lot of qualities that I admire about this person but the best of them all is her humility and her modesty to say thank you. I’ve noticed that with fake friends, their gratitude level is a complete disappointment. They would either use you or take advantage of what you got. Quokai never fails to make me feel that am doing something good, relevant and special because she never fails to show her gratitude. During my last birthday, she called and candidly thanked me for the “things” I’ve done for her. ‘Twas unexpected and I was truly appreciative of her gesture.

Quokai, it’s my turn now to say thank you for all the things you’ve done for me. Thank you for not doubting my character most especially during the time when people questioned it. Thank you for making the rest of our friends smile…no..laugh most especially during those times when laughter and joy is our only refuge. Thank you for letting me watch Ally Mcbeal every Tuesday back in your house at Nazareth. Thank you for giving me a reason to believe that indeed life is no joke but you have to take time as well to smile and laugh.

Words may fail me but you didn’t. Thank you for the love.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUOKAI!

Quokai

Quokai and Migraine Boy

SAYING GOODBYE

You know what, just when we are getting relaxed, life will throw something at us which challenges that comfort. I guess that is the irony of life. And, I guess this is one of life’s greatest mysteries that we can’t fathom. Cliché as it may sound, I guess what we can only do is embrace whatever life will throw at us and hope, pray… and pray harder that in every heartbreak, we will end up a better person or else, we will end up more confused and missing the whole point.

Last Valentine’s Day, I was heartbroken upon knowing that my closest friend ended her relationship with her partner. I got so sad that I was not able to hold my tears just listening to her recount how the break-up happened. I suppose ending a relationship is never easy. It’s not like a walk in the park. Some five months ago, my friend took the huge leap of faith and decided to give love a chance and now, it was over. Breaking up with someone you dear most, I guess, can be one of the most daunting emotional struggles we can go through. That is why, we have to work very hard to understand ourselves better why such things happen or else, (yes you got it right)…we will end up more confused and missing the whole point. I guess my friend just clearly understood her needs in the relationship that is why she ended it. I guess she better understood that we can’t make people change instead, we can only change ourselves.

Sometimes, we equate the ending of a relationship with failure. Well, I guess it depends. Personally, I believe that our standpoints vary depending on our experiences and our “life episodes.” Bottom line is, life continues. Like what my favorite author clearly puts, “every inhale we take is a birth and each exhale is the death of that breath; and life continues.”

Yes…life definitely continues.

P.S.

Teacher, I guess you still remember that I dedicated my first entry to you in time of your monthsary. I said something in that article which I would like to share again: "If there is a lesson I learned from this, it is that sometimes you just have to take the risk and enjoy every moment of happiness. Yeah sure, you might say that it's reckless to get into something that you are not assured of but, I guess you will not be able to taste happiness unless you jump in the bandwagon."

Teacher, I can't say that I agree or not with your decision. It's a decision you have to make and I respect that. I just would like to let you know that when and if the road gets bumpy, you have a friend in me.

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE...AND SOME GREAT MUSIC

February 14, Valentine’s Day, was a busy day for me. Aside from the fact that ‘twas a Monday and that I need to report to work, we have an activity in the office dubbed as “It’s Definitely a February-fic February” where the main feature of the evening was an acoustic mini-concert with Aegis PeopleSupport’s talents and ADLIB - a local band in Cebu . I hosted the event from 7pm until 12midnight and ‘twas fun talking to the singers on stage as well as to the gutsy employees who took the challenge of “impromptu” singing like my team mate Aldz. As expected, love songs wrapped the venue while the audience sang with the band when old familiar songs were played.

With Misty on stage

A trainee from Aspire who braved the stage and sang "You are my song"

My team mate Aldz who ate a lot of air time selecting his song. He ended up singing "It might be you."

ADLIB. My favorite song of the night was "Paano"

The event also became a venue for us to promote our Happy World initiative for the month of February called as “Love Notes.” Love Notes is a special edition Happy World V-Day Stationery sold at Php 5.00 per piece. The proceeds of the activity will be donated to the Cancer Institute Foundation, Inc. Also, what’s superb about the activity is that the company will match whatever amount is raised through the sale of the stationeries. Personally, I was very involved in the promotion of this activity because of the intention of it.  For those who have been following my entries, you guys are aware that my father died due to colon cancer. I know very well how difficult the experience is for the person suffering the ailment and the family supporting the patient. So, kudos to us for this worthwhile initiative.

MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE

I am in a relationship for nearly four years now and I have been blessed with a loving, generous, patient, candid and honest partner. But just like any other relationship, ours is not perfect. Sometimes we disagree and fight but we endeavor to solve our differences in a manner that is responsive, with the end view of reconciling without hurting each other’s feelings. When we talk, we don’t shout at each other nor call each other names. We don’t drag in the history of our families nor our pasts. We don’t blame each other for the ill-situations we are in instead, both of us tries to find a more helpful course of action in order to resolve it. In situations where we need to come up with a decision, we do it together and in the process, respect each other’s views and judgments. Most of all, we are conscientious and we despise the thought of taking advantage of our family and friend’s generosity.

If there is one thing that I appreciate about my partner it’s the fact that my partner motivates me to become a better person. There are moments when I doubt myself and the things that I’m capable of doing but my partner reassures that am more than smart and talented to be worrying over the things that I should not even be worrying about in the first place. I appreciate the fact that we inspire each other to excel in the fields that we are in.

You see, we don’t tolerate each other’s vices. We understand that if we indulge in each other’s nasty habits, we will end up destroying ourselves. We abhor activities such as parasitism, drugs, deception and/or pretense and the like.

In hindsight, I am happy, proud and blessed to be with this person whose mere presence makes me feel comforted. I want to tell you again and again that you are my rock; that you are my happy thought.

*Thank you for the wonderful partnership; for the times that you made me smile and for the laughter you caused with your hilarious dance moves. Thank you for putting me to sleep when my migraine attacks. Thank you for constantly reminding me that I am special and loved.

As the song goes, “When God made you, He must have been thinking of me.”

Happy Valentine’s Day!

*Taken from my previous post. Click here to read "I HAVE REASONS TO CELEBRATE"

FEBRUARY 6: MY SUNDAY MORNING

2:00am             
Woke up. Got hungry. Went to Siomayan sa Tisa. Ordered five siomais, three puso :-) noodles without egg and Mountain Dew

3:00am             

Went back to the apartment. Ironed clothes and took a bath for the 5am mass.

4:00am             

Dressed up and tried to look good for the Lord :-)

4:45am             

Took a jeepney heading to Cebu Cathedral. On my way to the church, I took the opportunity to enjoy the early morning fresh air. ‘Twas definitely a delight!

5:15am             

Arrived at Cebu Cathedral. Late for the 5am mass. However, I really wanted to hear Sunday’s message so my partner and I stayed outside the church and took the time to take photographs and captured the beauty of the church at early morning.

                       

6:30am             

Went inside the cathedral and settled in a very good spot

6:50am             

The priest shared Sunday’s message and in a nutshell, ‘twas all about our mission to be the light and salt of the world. My partner got a little emotional. Shed a tear or two. Me too. The message was so wonderful and I got blessed by it. It motivated me. Prayed. Prayed for myself. Prayed for my partner. My family. Friends – especially those who forgot what it really meant to be a friend. Thanked the Lord for all the blessings.

7:30am             

The mass ended and we headed to Jollibee for some hot choco. Went to the counter and ordered. Found a good spot to enjoy our hot choco and iced tea.

8:00am             

My partner and I decided to explore Parian – one of Cebu’s oldest barangay and considered as one of Cebu’s Heritage Site. Took some photographs. Got fascinated with Yap- Sandiego’s old house. Was wondering how it feels like to be living during the Spanish era.

9:30am             
Went to Chowking Colon. Ordered Halo2x early in the morning. My friend, Kate, texted that she’s fetching us at 12noon for our lunch date in her house with our friends – Ogie Velez, Shanin and Dustin  Jose. Replied to Kate telling her that my partner and I were heading to Ayala for some grocery chores and to pick us up there instead.

 Ogie

 Shanin

Dustin

10:00am            

Arrived at Ayala. Went to the mall’s grocery to buy some stuff.

11:00am            

Decided to grab some food. Kate texted that she’s on her way. Replied saying that we’ll wait for her at Breadtalk.

12:30noon         

Kate arrived with a big smile on her face. Was glad to see her. Missed her.

MUSE

"Memory is a fool’s game. Had I known it before, none of this would have happened. Did I really love her once? And did she ever love me? The uncertainty of it is what tantalizes my mind; and the elusiveness of such happiness is what haunts me. I realize now that happiness, like a woman, is elusive. She of unspeakable beauty and, alas, of unspoken avowals. And yet, to be honest, I have never known such happiness with another”

This is the opening statement of the short film that is circulating in youtube which is gaining rave reviews. “Muse,” directed by Albert Martinez and stars Heart Evangelista was created for Inno Sotto’s 30^th anniversary gala.

Personally, I feel that Albert redeemed himself through this short film after his attempt with Rosario. The film captured the ethereal emotions and immaculate beauty of the muse while showcasing Inno's timeless fashion.

The musical scoring is divine. While listening to the orchestration from start to finish, I can’t help but pause and breathe in the poetic melody which brings me to a place where both joy and melancholy collide. Louie Ocampo successfully crafted an exquisitely haunting masterpiece that tells the story of the muse sans the dialogues. Just divine! And, please, don’t get me started with the narration. I can’t find the exact words to describe the beauty of it. Read this:

"Memories of her all arouse in me a fleeting intensity. Time compressed as it were…then released in a thunderclap. Perhaps, had I not written her so earnestly of my feelings, I would not be dispossessed of them now. Men are so careless that way. They live for the moment. But a woman nurtures the possibilities residing in a moment, the promises latent in a day, the measure of life always in her grasp."

Definitely, “Muse” is a cinematic expression of beauty, class and style.

Post script:

While for Heart? Heart is The Muse. Period.

I AM MY OWN AUTHOR

“If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realizing that you are the author and everyday, you have the opportunity to write a new page.”

                                                                               Mark Houlahan

Since the start of this year, I claimed that 2011 will be different. This year, I told myself, will be less hard, more optimistic and extra kind. 2010 has been a difficult year. I went through a number of unpleasant and/or perhaps appalling experiences - a death in the family, financial challenges, personal health issues, feud among friends etc. However, in hindsight, none of these agitated or distracted me most especially with how I carry myself and treat others. I guess I championed the deed of compartmentalizing which is why I was successful in enforcing sane judgment.

Amid all the problems and challenges I faced, there was never a time that I considered myself as a victim. I realized that any change, struggle, loss or issue does not make me a victim. My favorite author once said that “the more you carry worse life gets.” Sure, these can shake me or even at one point, make me doubt about myself, but these cannot prevent me from rising above the situation and come out as a better person. Am sure all of this sounds cliché but trust me, no matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation is at this very moment, YOU CAN ALWAYS DO SOMETHING.

I claim that 2011 will be a year where all my plans will come into being. 2011 will be a year of rejoicing, of celebration, of triumphs or victories, of joy and prosperity. As an old adage goes, “if you have zest and enthusiasm, you attract zest and enthusiasm. Life, after all, gives back in kind.”

EPIPHANIES

Epiphany (noun)

       A sudden, intuitive perception or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

My visit in my hometown brought me a number of realizations and while most of it are painful and daunting, I am still comforted with the fact that there’s still something I can do about it. I once read that a person’s road to greatness starts with a purifying moment, or to put it simply – an awakening (i.e. Einstein was given a compass and his quest for science and truth began, or when Siddhartha saw a beggar outside their castle which started his pursuit for the true meaning of happiness.)

In this entry, allow me to share my so-called epiphanies. Although am exposing myself a bit much through my revelations in this article, I feel that it is something that we can all learn from.

• Epiphany 1: I don’t have any savings and I live from paycheck to paycheck. At my age, having a high-paying and exciting job in a huge multi-national company I should have stable finances already. But sadly, I have debts to pay, bills to settle and most of the time, I spend more than what my means can afford. In times of emergencies like what happened to my father, I struggle to provide and meet the needs for hospitalization, medicine and after care.

• Epiphany 2: I still have lots of plans unrealized like taking my Masters, buying my own house and lot, travel around and outside the country (I don’t even have a passport for crying out loud) or, my long overdue promise of Pangkabuhayan Showcase to my Mama. My sister even has better life management compared to me. She’s just starting with her job (she is a policewoman) but every time we need help (we meaning her immediate family) she manages to provide.

• Epiphany 3:That if am having kids it should be at least FIVE. A big and responsible family has its perks. In hard times, you have each other to lean on or share the burden most especially with regard to the financial requirements of hospitalization, medicine and after care.

If you have a big family, you can take turns in looking after the sick family member.

If you have a big family, you have someone who can help you make decisions over crucial situations.

If you have a big family, you don’t cry alone, in your solitude, when no
one is watching. It’s difficult when you’re only two in the family and the
eldest for that matter.

• Epiphany 4: That I should have kids. My own flesh and blood. Any takers?

• Epiphany 5: It really doesn’t matter if I have only a few friends for as long as they are like family. It dawned on me that I should choose friends. Friends who will visit me when am sick. Friends who will share their time. Friends who will comfort and assure my immediate family that they are not alone in this battle.

• Epiphany 6: When I die, I want it to be quick. Fast. Painless. I don’t want to suffer and in the process, see my family suffer.

I am not sure how to end this entry. Perhaps as what the title of this entry suggests, I should start taking action over my life and make radical changes, not only for myself but for also for the people who will be, in one way or another, affected by my deeds. Cliché as it may sound, but sometimes it takes a powerful experience such as an ailing family member to bring you to Earth and examine what you have been doing to your life.

With a prayerful heart, things will get better.

I HAVE REASONS TO CELEBRATE

Amid the problems am dealing with right now (if you have been following my blog am pretty sure you know what am talking about), I still have a number of reasons to celebrate.  

First…

Yesterday was the first monthsary of thinkaboutmigraine. Wooot! Yes, my dear readers, my blog site is 30 days old. Well, I suppose that’s an accomplishment. Thirty days ago, I decided to go back to blogging despite my crazy schedule and some hesitations. To be candid about things, am not really sure about what to expect after I convinced myself to give blogging another chance. You see, I have this cardinal rule about writing and that is, “When writing, write the way you talk.”  

Sadly, am a total contradiction of my rule. The folks who personally know me can attest that am not really a good conversationalist. Modesty aside (clears throat), I am a very convincing speaker; I facilitate meetings effectively; I deliver winning extempo and impromptu speeches but, I totally suck in casual conversations.  I mean, I don’t usually engage in a chat most especially if the crowd is unfamiliar and because of that, people see me as someone who is aloof, indifferent and unfriendly. But really, am not (big, cute grin).I guess am just misunderstood, most of the time (bigger, cuter grin).

But seriously, thinkaboutmigraine has become a venue for me to actually communicate and express my thoughts. To be open. Vulnerable. Exposed (hahaha).

Sure, sometimes I keep mum in casual conversations but, I share my few cents when needed or even at times when unsolicited. I communicate my thoughts when I need to put things into perspective.

So, to thinkaboutmigraine, Happy FirstMonthsary!

Second…

Love is very vague until and unless someone or something shows it to you. In my case, it’s someone. Three years and seven months ago, both of us decided to give ourselves a chance again – to be hurt, to trust and to give without counting the cost.

So now, all I have are words of thanks. Thank you for the patience, understanding and tolerance. Thank you for making me smile; for making me laugh with your hilarious dance moves. Thank you for always putting me to sleep if I have my migraine attacks. Thank you for constantly reminding me that am special and loved. And most of all, thank you for being my rock.

“Happiness is eating pancakes early in the morning with hot coffee in front of the person you dear eating the same food as yours

“Happiness is a text message from the person you dear telling you McDonald’s breakfast is coming

“Happiness is...”

I love you and Happy Monthsary!



AN ARTICLE OF A FAN. CONGRATULATIONS, MAX!

I am always a proud friend most especially of the achievements of my friends. Back in college, we developed this bond that the success of one is the success of all. We never outgrew that. Now, despite that we have our own lives and families, divided by different time zones and geography, we managed to treasure that bond.

Last Sunday, October 24, we were in jubilation after Maxi bagged the 2010 title of Convergys Idol. He hurdled the elimination rounds against 24 hopefuls. During the finale, he battled against the remaining six contestants. Conversely, I was one of the witnesses on how he worked hard and prepared for the competition. Max is always like that. He puts his heart into what he is doing and he does not settle for what's mediocre. He is very competitive, meticulous and part of that is studying who he's against with.

During the finals, Maxi sang "Ordinary People" by John Legend. Undoubtedly, his version was pitch perfect, spotless, effortless and relevant. Am not really a fan of that song but in some way, he has this ability to convince me to believe on what he is singing. I guess that's his gift. He is persuasive in his songs.

Max singing "Ordinary People"

While watching him on stage, I was seeing a sure winner. God forbid, if he lost, I might or we might have created a scene hahaha. But you see, you can never put a gifted singer down.

I have always been a fan of Maxi. Back in college, Max and I were members of two different important organizations in our university. He was a member of G-Clef, the resident glee club in our school while me and some of the barkada were the prime movers of our university’s theater company. Every time his group holds a concert either outside or within the university, we make sure that we have our banners and our loud cheers and applause ready in support of his performance. And Maxi never fails to deliver. He usually gets the solo. He usually sings the best part of the song. He is usually the crowd favorite.

Max owned the stage

  

Congratulations again langga. We are proud of what you've achieve. Your success is our success too. We will always be your number one fan. 

Post script:

Pasalamat ka dili ayo ana ka tsada akung tingug or else, magtigi tang duha hahaha. Happy nalang ko na akoy murag modelon sa grupo. hahaha. Peace!

HANG IN THERE

As of this writing, my dad is being transferred to another hospital for a possible operation tomorrow. His attending doctor already recommended for a surgery ASAP. It pains me to think that it’s only my mom who’s there looking after my dad.  Day and night. 24/7. Worse, my mom has her own health complaints (my mom is suffering from irregular menstrual bleeding due to cervical polyps on her cervical canal). But she’s there, beside my dad. So patient. Always enduring.

My dad is 51 years old while my mom is 50 years old. Their relationship has been on the rocks for so many times already. They are not your perfect couple. Most of the time, they are a mess. They fight a lot. Screaming is their form of communication. I can still remember, I was 10 years old back then, when my mom tried burning my dad because she caught him with another woman. It was a circus. A cheap theater / play and our neighbors have the front row seats to witness it. But despite that, they are still together. When I was of age, I told them to split up. I would rather see them separated than see them destroy each other almost everyday. But NO. I guess they would rather deal with each other’s tension than go on separate ways.

Back when I was young, I frequently hear my mom shouting at my dad, “Mamatay na unta ka!” with that agitated voice and expression still so vivid in my mind. I guess, if it's not unlawful to break my dad's neck she would have obliged.

But now, in the hospital room where my mom watches over my dad fighting for his life, she holds his hand tightly while whispering, “Hang in there!” Despite her condition, she didn’t complain. My mom is so patient for dad. Always enduring for dad.

I find it funny. An oxymoron. But I guess, no matter how hard I'll try to understand the complexity of their relationship or any relationship for that matter, I will never fathom its mystery. My mom and dad...I would rather see them separated. But NO. They are still together. I guess it sums up to what my mom is telling dad now, to just hang in there.

Amping ka Ma!

ME AND PAPA

Me and my dad…we are not close. I guess our relationship is not something that we call ideal. Yes, we talk. But amid our conversations, there is that silence. When I was younger, there were times that I wish for his demise because I cannot stand his presence. I was angry with my father. I even regretted the fact that he was my father. I promised to become someone successful, so I can prove to him how hopeless he is as he is. But looking back, amid my ill-feelings for my father, there was never a time that I disrespected him. I never shouted, shamed or dishonored him. My mother instilled in me and in my sister to respect him regardless of who he is and what he can’t be for the family.

As of this writing, my dad is in the hospital and in tremendous pain because of colon cancer. He has been fighting colon cancer for quite sometime now. Early this morning, my mother called saying that my dad wanted to talk to me. As I spoke with him, my memories with him and my childhood all came flashing back. While listening to his ailing voice, I wanted to comfort him and assure him that everything is going to be all right. But I didn’t. I can’t. Maybe I should have. But I didn’t.

Right now, my prayer is for his recovery. That whatever pain he is feeling right now, God will extend his healing hand and comfort him. Coupled with my prayer is some hope. Hope that I may be able to forgive myself for the resentment against my father. If growing up with my father is like war, I guess he deserve the special kind of respect am giving him. After all, he stood by me, my sister and my mom, shoulder to shoulder in times of nothingness and uncertainty.

Get well soon, Pa.

I NEED TO BE A DIFFERENT PERSON

While am writing this, my mind is literally in a blur. I mean, am thinking about the words that am going to use in this entry while thinking about the deliverables that I need to accomplish in the office. Yes, you’re right. Am writing this blog while am in the office trying to finish all my tasks. I guess this is how I cope with pressure and stress. Catharsis as my friends put it. And yes, at this point, am not scared and embarrassed to admit that am nervous and anxious. After all, am still human right?

I don’t know if I should be excited. I guess I share the same feeling with my team mates Aldz and Demi, or my team mates in Manila. You see, we have a number of projects this Q4 and we are just overwhelmed by it. As a Team Lead, I need to focus. I need to concentrate. I need to be a different person. Hmmm that sounds profound J J J I NEED TO BE A DIFFERENT PERSON! There. I repeated it. Sometimes, I can be so dramatic.

I should refrain from being panicky.

I should not be pikon because am pretty sure people will take advantage of it.

I need to be less sensitive. Less irritable. Touchy. Short-tempered.

I must master the art of saying “NO!”

I have to re-learn reaction-formation.

I have to prepare myself for sleepless nights. Sleepless days.

Cliche as it may sound, I need to always remember that what other people think about me is none of my business.

At this point, am just thankful because I have a team that rocks! Tried and tested. Remember Summer Pilipnas, Aldz and Dems? So, here we go again. Buckle up guys. MARLBORO BLACK LANG ANG KATAPAT!

ME. ME. ALL ABOUT ME.

Am mad and sad today. That rhymes, ayt? Time and again, am reminded that there are people who would put you down, say things against you and make you feel bad about yourself.

I want to feel good about myself again and be reminded that am special. That, there are some people who appreciate what I do and what I do for them. So this entry is dedicated to myself. ME. ME. All About ME.

FOREVER JOSH

By Ms. Donna S. Chaves

Outstanding Principal of Region-10 2004

The principal's phone rang two summers go and she heard this very articulate and well-modulated voice as if an Adonis seducing a lost maiden. He was looking for a job in teaching English. "So sorry but we are filled up," said the principal. Then he insisted on Civics. The principal asked about his qualifications. He is a writer. He was a senior journalist working for Sun.Star Cagayan de Oro at the same time he wrote stories, poetry and scripts. Talking with him could have been forever. He liked theater and arts too.

Mr. Jose I. Eballe, popularly known as Sir Josh, could have been a forever thing on the phone but resisting meeting the Adonis was impossible. He came the day after the call and conversations with him were a forever-bombastic thrill. This polished man is very intelligent and interesting! Talk about the weather in Alaska or Shakespearean tragedies, he won't fail to deliver the facts.

We were hesitant to hire him because he was overqualified or should we say, he was too modish for the school. We were afraid that he could not do school chores.

Genevieve Jalon, the Department Head of the High School did not give a second thought and said, "I am taking him in because this man is definitely cream of the crop and I do not want to miss this opportunity. Panagsa-on ra si Josh."

The principal said, "it's your choice. If he flaps, he is your cargo. I feel that he is too refined for the job and we cannot order him to do menial work."

Josh was never late nor absent. His attendance was forever excellent!

Josh chaired the publication of the Angelette, came up with a new newspaper format and his articles were forever extensive.

Josh directed the play "Walang Sugat" that gathered a phenomenal 6, 000 spectators during the opening day. He wrote speeches for the school, coached for oratorical competitions, journalism contests, quiz bee competitions, debate tournaments outside the school and hahaha even danced and sing on stage just to please his audience. He is forever multi-intelligent.

Josh as a teacher has brilliant classroom management skills, his lessons are innovative, spiky, creative, comprehensive, substantial...forever with the highest standards. With this, he was awarded as the Most Promising Teacher of 2003, Exemplary Teacher of 2004 and Outstanding Teacher of 2005.

He is well-groomed - smells absolutely boyish, wears polished shoes and ironed clothes and very self-spoken in conversations. Some people mistook him as indifferent but he is charming, cute, thoughtful and sincere.

Josh, Joshie, Jose... he is forever cool.

Josh is the best friend to all the teachers and an escort to whoever does not have a date. He is there to rescue a frustrated old maid and make her feel brand new. He is forever a gentleman.

Josh is dedicated, industrious, intelligent and most of all he is forever a wonderful teacher.

We wonder if there could be anyone like him. Maybe perhaps, there is only one, true, irreplaceable Josh.