SAYING GOODBYE

You know what, just when we are getting relaxed, life will throw something at us which challenges that comfort. I guess that is the irony of life. And, I guess this is one of life’s greatest mysteries that we can’t fathom. Cliché as it may sound, I guess what we can only do is embrace whatever life will throw at us and hope, pray… and pray harder that in every heartbreak, we will end up a better person or else, we will end up more confused and missing the whole point.

Last Valentine’s Day, I was heartbroken upon knowing that my closest friend ended her relationship with her partner. I got so sad that I was not able to hold my tears just listening to her recount how the break-up happened. I suppose ending a relationship is never easy. It’s not like a walk in the park. Some five months ago, my friend took the huge leap of faith and decided to give love a chance and now, it was over. Breaking up with someone you dear most, I guess, can be one of the most daunting emotional struggles we can go through. That is why, we have to work very hard to understand ourselves better why such things happen or else, (yes you got it right)…we will end up more confused and missing the whole point. I guess my friend just clearly understood her needs in the relationship that is why she ended it. I guess she better understood that we can’t make people change instead, we can only change ourselves.

Sometimes, we equate the ending of a relationship with failure. Well, I guess it depends. Personally, I believe that our standpoints vary depending on our experiences and our “life episodes.” Bottom line is, life continues. Like what my favorite author clearly puts, “every inhale we take is a birth and each exhale is the death of that breath; and life continues.”

Yes…life definitely continues.

P.S.

Teacher, I guess you still remember that I dedicated my first entry to you in time of your monthsary. I said something in that article which I would like to share again: "If there is a lesson I learned from this, it is that sometimes you just have to take the risk and enjoy every moment of happiness. Yeah sure, you might say that it's reckless to get into something that you are not assured of but, I guess you will not be able to taste happiness unless you jump in the bandwagon."

Teacher, I can't say that I agree or not with your decision. It's a decision you have to make and I respect that. I just would like to let you know that when and if the road gets bumpy, you have a friend in me.

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE...AND SOME GREAT MUSIC

February 14, Valentine’s Day, was a busy day for me. Aside from the fact that ‘twas a Monday and that I need to report to work, we have an activity in the office dubbed as “It’s Definitely a February-fic February” where the main feature of the evening was an acoustic mini-concert with Aegis PeopleSupport’s talents and ADLIB - a local band in Cebu . I hosted the event from 7pm until 12midnight and ‘twas fun talking to the singers on stage as well as to the gutsy employees who took the challenge of “impromptu” singing like my team mate Aldz. As expected, love songs wrapped the venue while the audience sang with the band when old familiar songs were played.

With Misty on stage

A trainee from Aspire who braved the stage and sang "You are my song"

My team mate Aldz who ate a lot of air time selecting his song. He ended up singing "It might be you."

ADLIB. My favorite song of the night was "Paano"

The event also became a venue for us to promote our Happy World initiative for the month of February called as “Love Notes.” Love Notes is a special edition Happy World V-Day Stationery sold at Php 5.00 per piece. The proceeds of the activity will be donated to the Cancer Institute Foundation, Inc. Also, what’s superb about the activity is that the company will match whatever amount is raised through the sale of the stationeries. Personally, I was very involved in the promotion of this activity because of the intention of it.  For those who have been following my entries, you guys are aware that my father died due to colon cancer. I know very well how difficult the experience is for the person suffering the ailment and the family supporting the patient. So, kudos to us for this worthwhile initiative.

MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE

I am in a relationship for nearly four years now and I have been blessed with a loving, generous, patient, candid and honest partner. But just like any other relationship, ours is not perfect. Sometimes we disagree and fight but we endeavor to solve our differences in a manner that is responsive, with the end view of reconciling without hurting each other’s feelings. When we talk, we don’t shout at each other nor call each other names. We don’t drag in the history of our families nor our pasts. We don’t blame each other for the ill-situations we are in instead, both of us tries to find a more helpful course of action in order to resolve it. In situations where we need to come up with a decision, we do it together and in the process, respect each other’s views and judgments. Most of all, we are conscientious and we despise the thought of taking advantage of our family and friend’s generosity.

If there is one thing that I appreciate about my partner it’s the fact that my partner motivates me to become a better person. There are moments when I doubt myself and the things that I’m capable of doing but my partner reassures that am more than smart and talented to be worrying over the things that I should not even be worrying about in the first place. I appreciate the fact that we inspire each other to excel in the fields that we are in.

You see, we don’t tolerate each other’s vices. We understand that if we indulge in each other’s nasty habits, we will end up destroying ourselves. We abhor activities such as parasitism, drugs, deception and/or pretense and the like.

In hindsight, I am happy, proud and blessed to be with this person whose mere presence makes me feel comforted. I want to tell you again and again that you are my rock; that you are my happy thought.

*Thank you for the wonderful partnership; for the times that you made me smile and for the laughter you caused with your hilarious dance moves. Thank you for putting me to sleep when my migraine attacks. Thank you for constantly reminding me that I am special and loved.

As the song goes, “When God made you, He must have been thinking of me.”

Happy Valentine’s Day!

*Taken from my previous post. Click here to read "I HAVE REASONS TO CELEBRATE"

HANG IN THERE

As of this writing, my dad is being transferred to another hospital for a possible operation tomorrow. His attending doctor already recommended for a surgery ASAP. It pains me to think that it’s only my mom who’s there looking after my dad.  Day and night. 24/7. Worse, my mom has her own health complaints (my mom is suffering from irregular menstrual bleeding due to cervical polyps on her cervical canal). But she’s there, beside my dad. So patient. Always enduring.

My dad is 51 years old while my mom is 50 years old. Their relationship has been on the rocks for so many times already. They are not your perfect couple. Most of the time, they are a mess. They fight a lot. Screaming is their form of communication. I can still remember, I was 10 years old back then, when my mom tried burning my dad because she caught him with another woman. It was a circus. A cheap theater / play and our neighbors have the front row seats to witness it. But despite that, they are still together. When I was of age, I told them to split up. I would rather see them separated than see them destroy each other almost everyday. But NO. I guess they would rather deal with each other’s tension than go on separate ways.

Back when I was young, I frequently hear my mom shouting at my dad, “Mamatay na unta ka!” with that agitated voice and expression still so vivid in my mind. I guess, if it's not unlawful to break my dad's neck she would have obliged.

But now, in the hospital room where my mom watches over my dad fighting for his life, she holds his hand tightly while whispering, “Hang in there!” Despite her condition, she didn’t complain. My mom is so patient for dad. Always enduring for dad.

I find it funny. An oxymoron. But I guess, no matter how hard I'll try to understand the complexity of their relationship or any relationship for that matter, I will never fathom its mystery. My mom and dad...I would rather see them separated. But NO. They are still together. I guess it sums up to what my mom is telling dad now, to just hang in there.

Amping ka Ma!

I KNOW HIM BY HEART (dedicated to my single friends)

 I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart
No, we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart.

BECAUSE OF SITTI

I paused for a while amid the hills of paper works that I need to accomplish when the song of Sitti was played (you see, am a global learner so I can’t function if am not motivated by music.) I don’t know if ‘twas sheer coincidence or nature just have its way of telling us our lessons the weirdest way because Sitti’s song sinked in to my emotionally disturbed heart (hehehe) and yeah, as expected of me, I wallowed inside my office.

The lines goes like (and I bet everybody is familiar with this):

Di kita pipilitin

Sundin mo pang iyong damdamin

Hayaan nalang tumibok ang puso mo

Para sa akin…

and the song continued…

Kung ako ay papalarin

Na ako'y iyong mahal na rin

Pangakong ikaw lang ang iibigin

Magpakailanman

Funny…I told myself, because it exactly mirrored how I view things lately. You see, you can never force people to reciprocate your feelings no matter how you try. You just have to be contented that although you can’t elevate friendship to something that is romantic, you just have to value the presence and the memories of the person. I am happy to look in hindsight, that the times we’ve spent are worth it and never dull. I learned to trust, listen, speak out, and be patient. Sometimes, its not ill to be hopeful…to be hopeful that someday, the person you dear will feel the same way.

To you, Bon Voyage!

---

Just reposting this entry I wrote last March 1, 2007. I can still remember very well when I wrote this entry with a heavy heart. But again, nature has the most absurd way of telling us our lessons because after posting this, I got my answer. And yes, a happy one!



HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

I was browsing through my old collection of poems and sonnets and I found this piece from Elizabeth Browning. It’s very nostalgic since I have not heard nor read this sonnet for a long time. I first met Browning’s sonnet when I was in high-school when my English teacher allowed us to interpret the sonnet through a role play. From that point until today, I can’t count the ways how much I love thee…

Allow me to paste the entirety of the sonnet and am hoping you’ll be able to see the magic of it :-) 

HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of every day's

Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love with a passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life! and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

BEAUTIFUL CRAZY

It hit me.

The love you want are those you can’t really have. Often, you have to be contended with the circumstance that both of you have known each other or be appreciative of the time that you've spent especially those long hours of conversation over a cup of coffee, tea, or beer, or the unsolicited company during the wee small hours.

There are those occasions where you wish you can own time and place it at the palm of your hands so you have control over it. And, you just have to pause it because you don't want to go home. You don't want it to end. You don't want to bid goodbye. Some feelings in the heart are concealed because of fears and hesitations. Fearful because of uncertainty. And so you wait…wait until you don’t know when. Then you tell yourself, "I can get through this. I’ve been through a lot and this one is just easy."

But is it?

Damn.

This is crazy.

Beautiful crazy.