NOT ALL THAT

I wanted to write something prolific as the opening statement in this entry but my head is totally blank right now. If the backspace button can just talk, it will definitely tell me to make up my mind and stop deleting the sentences I come up with. But hey, a lot of thoughts have been bouncing in my head lately which makes it harder to write.

Anyway, I’ll try to write something sensible. Speaking of that, I have something to say to some folks who feel and think that they are all that. You see friends, my week has been massacred by people who are so full of themselves that sometimes you want to rip open their bubbles of conceit and arrogance.

Case 1. There is a huge difference between feedback and attack and from my perspective, you are without a doubt attacking us. You see, am not really reactive. Ask from friends and they will tell you that am very calm. As much as possible, I strive to be reasonable about criticisms and unfavorable judgment. Now, if you have something to say, be objective. Be educated. Be professional.  After all, you claim to be all that.

Case 2. I have my share of blogcapades (term coined from Lethal Kisser) and I want to impart my realizations about a certain entry I read most especially to those who thinks that beauty is tantamount to glory. I want to tell you that a beautiful face does not give you the license to be rude or act like a total jerk. A beautiful face does not mean that you are better than other people. And most of all, a beautiful face does not give you a free pass to throw judgment to other people.  After all, a beautiful face does not make you all that. So please, ayaw pag-kinapayas.

Case 3. I have no Case 3. As a matter of fact, I think I made my point already.  Just a word of advice though:  Just always consider common courtesy and act toward others as you want them to act toward you. That is simple Rule of Reciprocity. As my partner usually say, “Even children have manners.” Arrogance does not equate to confidence. Remember that!

I HAVE REASONS TO CELEBRATE

Amid the problems am dealing with right now (if you have been following my blog am pretty sure you know what am talking about), I still have a number of reasons to celebrate.  

First…

Yesterday was the first monthsary of thinkaboutmigraine. Wooot! Yes, my dear readers, my blog site is 30 days old. Well, I suppose that’s an accomplishment. Thirty days ago, I decided to go back to blogging despite my crazy schedule and some hesitations. To be candid about things, am not really sure about what to expect after I convinced myself to give blogging another chance. You see, I have this cardinal rule about writing and that is, “When writing, write the way you talk.”  

Sadly, am a total contradiction of my rule. The folks who personally know me can attest that am not really a good conversationalist. Modesty aside (clears throat), I am a very convincing speaker; I facilitate meetings effectively; I deliver winning extempo and impromptu speeches but, I totally suck in casual conversations.  I mean, I don’t usually engage in a chat most especially if the crowd is unfamiliar and because of that, people see me as someone who is aloof, indifferent and unfriendly. But really, am not (big, cute grin).I guess am just misunderstood, most of the time (bigger, cuter grin).

But seriously, thinkaboutmigraine has become a venue for me to actually communicate and express my thoughts. To be open. Vulnerable. Exposed (hahaha).

Sure, sometimes I keep mum in casual conversations but, I share my few cents when needed or even at times when unsolicited. I communicate my thoughts when I need to put things into perspective.

So, to thinkaboutmigraine, Happy FirstMonthsary!

Second…

Love is very vague until and unless someone or something shows it to you. In my case, it’s someone. Three years and seven months ago, both of us decided to give ourselves a chance again – to be hurt, to trust and to give without counting the cost.

So now, all I have are words of thanks. Thank you for the patience, understanding and tolerance. Thank you for making me smile; for making me laugh with your hilarious dance moves. Thank you for always putting me to sleep if I have my migraine attacks. Thank you for constantly reminding me that am special and loved. And most of all, thank you for being my rock.

“Happiness is eating pancakes early in the morning with hot coffee in front of the person you dear eating the same food as yours

“Happiness is a text message from the person you dear telling you McDonald’s breakfast is coming

“Happiness is...”

I love you and Happy Monthsary!



AN ARTICLE OF A FAN. CONGRATULATIONS, MAX!

I am always a proud friend most especially of the achievements of my friends. Back in college, we developed this bond that the success of one is the success of all. We never outgrew that. Now, despite that we have our own lives and families, divided by different time zones and geography, we managed to treasure that bond.

Last Sunday, October 24, we were in jubilation after Maxi bagged the 2010 title of Convergys Idol. He hurdled the elimination rounds against 24 hopefuls. During the finale, he battled against the remaining six contestants. Conversely, I was one of the witnesses on how he worked hard and prepared for the competition. Max is always like that. He puts his heart into what he is doing and he does not settle for what's mediocre. He is very competitive, meticulous and part of that is studying who he's against with.

During the finals, Maxi sang "Ordinary People" by John Legend. Undoubtedly, his version was pitch perfect, spotless, effortless and relevant. Am not really a fan of that song but in some way, he has this ability to convince me to believe on what he is singing. I guess that's his gift. He is persuasive in his songs.

Max singing "Ordinary People"

While watching him on stage, I was seeing a sure winner. God forbid, if he lost, I might or we might have created a scene hahaha. But you see, you can never put a gifted singer down.

I have always been a fan of Maxi. Back in college, Max and I were members of two different important organizations in our university. He was a member of G-Clef, the resident glee club in our school while me and some of the barkada were the prime movers of our university’s theater company. Every time his group holds a concert either outside or within the university, we make sure that we have our banners and our loud cheers and applause ready in support of his performance. And Maxi never fails to deliver. He usually gets the solo. He usually sings the best part of the song. He is usually the crowd favorite.

Max owned the stage

  

Congratulations again langga. We are proud of what you've achieve. Your success is our success too. We will always be your number one fan. 

Post script:

Pasalamat ka dili ayo ana ka tsada akung tingug or else, magtigi tang duha hahaha. Happy nalang ko na akoy murag modelon sa grupo. hahaha. Peace!

ITS OUR DEMI'S BIRTHDAY

I have an idea. Pampa-uso lang…

Every time a close friend (close friend lang gyud) celebrates his / her birthday, as my birthday gift (just an excuse for not buying something hehehe), I will be featuring his / her TOP FIVE “notorious” quotes. This could be lines, phrases, expressions or thoughts, he / she intentionally or unconsciously uttered or shared during our conversations.

Why their qoutes? Well, I just have this belief that if you value the person or consider someone special, you sincerely listen to them and in the process, you understand and appreciate them more.

So, for our maiden issue, let’s give a big round of applause to our birthday girl, Demi – Comm Cebu’s very own Creative Media Analyst aka Miss India.

Ready Dems?

TOP FIVE NOTORIOUS QOUTES

#5:      “Dili ko kahurot sa akong rice”

#4:      “Yosi ta tah”

#3:      (while chatting about showbiz) “Kinsa diay na sila? Wala man gyud mi TV sa amo”

#2:      “Mo-apas ko, promise”

And

#1:      “11 times”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEMS!



IN A VERY UNUSUAL WAY

In a very unusual way, this song performed by Barang displayed so much gravity and grace. Well, I don't really care who gave a better performance of this song - Kidman, Benanti or the other performers from the original Broadway or London productions. Am just thankful and happy that I get to enjoy this piece.

This is my new fave. For now. Am sharing the video clip and lyrics. Enjoy!

In a very unusual way one time I needed you.
In a very unusual way you were my friend.
Maybe it lasted a day, maybe it lasted an hour.
But, somehow it will never end.

In a very unusual way I think I?m in love with you.
In a very unusual way I want to cry.
Something inside me goes week,
Something inside me surrenders.
And you're the reason why,
You're the reason why

You don't know what you do to me,
You don't have a clue.
You can't tell what its like to be me looking at you.
It scares me so, that I can hardly speak.

In a very unusual way, I owe what I am to you.
Though at times it appears I won't stay, I never go.
Special to me in my life,
Since the first day that I met you.
How could I ever forget you,
Once you had touched my soul?
In a very unusual way,
You've made me whole

NEVER SAW BLUE

There are moments in life when you really miss someone so much that you want to pick them up from your dreams and hug them for real. It’s difficult, most especially during these times.

This past few days have been my trying times. I was riding the jeepney earlier and I got so scared because suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I was gasping for air. I even attempted to get inside Cebu Doctors because I was worried that I might collapse in the street. Perhaps it was just the heat. Or, my heavy bag. Or, my tight belt. Or, the different thoughts in my head bouncing back and forth. But deep inside, I know I was not okay.

There. I said it. I am not okay.

I may look okay but, I am not.

This is just a front that I need to wear and when all of this is over, I wish to see the point.

I want to be over this. I want to jump in the bandwagon and just be whole again. Matud pa, I never saw blue like this before.

HANG IN THERE

As of this writing, my dad is being transferred to another hospital for a possible operation tomorrow. His attending doctor already recommended for a surgery ASAP. It pains me to think that it’s only my mom who’s there looking after my dad.  Day and night. 24/7. Worse, my mom has her own health complaints (my mom is suffering from irregular menstrual bleeding due to cervical polyps on her cervical canal). But she’s there, beside my dad. So patient. Always enduring.

My dad is 51 years old while my mom is 50 years old. Their relationship has been on the rocks for so many times already. They are not your perfect couple. Most of the time, they are a mess. They fight a lot. Screaming is their form of communication. I can still remember, I was 10 years old back then, when my mom tried burning my dad because she caught him with another woman. It was a circus. A cheap theater / play and our neighbors have the front row seats to witness it. But despite that, they are still together. When I was of age, I told them to split up. I would rather see them separated than see them destroy each other almost everyday. But NO. I guess they would rather deal with each other’s tension than go on separate ways.

Back when I was young, I frequently hear my mom shouting at my dad, “Mamatay na unta ka!” with that agitated voice and expression still so vivid in my mind. I guess, if it's not unlawful to break my dad's neck she would have obliged.

But now, in the hospital room where my mom watches over my dad fighting for his life, she holds his hand tightly while whispering, “Hang in there!” Despite her condition, she didn’t complain. My mom is so patient for dad. Always enduring for dad.

I find it funny. An oxymoron. But I guess, no matter how hard I'll try to understand the complexity of their relationship or any relationship for that matter, I will never fathom its mystery. My mom and dad...I would rather see them separated. But NO. They are still together. I guess it sums up to what my mom is telling dad now, to just hang in there.

Amping ka Ma!

AN OPEN LETTER TO FRIENDS

I don’t know if am a good friend.

At this point, I wanted to play the person who’s supposed to mend things.

Who listens.

Who has the better view of things.

Who observes.

Who shares his thoughts without sounding arrogant and righteous.

I don’t want to take sides.

I want to know the truth.

And, I want my friends to see the truth. Not the way I perceive it, but in a manner that is just and fair.

I don’t want to hurt my friends’ feelings. I treasure them.

At the end of the day, I don’t want to be that someone who didn’t do anything.

I’m sorry if it seems am not doing anything.

I’m sorry if am not taking any action.

But my friends, be it better in time.

If you don’t want to talk now. Let it be.

Talk when you are ready.

Ready to forgive.

Or perhaps, ready to forget.

And most importantly, ready to move on and be whole again.

ME AND PAPA

Me and my dad…we are not close. I guess our relationship is not something that we call ideal. Yes, we talk. But amid our conversations, there is that silence. When I was younger, there were times that I wish for his demise because I cannot stand his presence. I was angry with my father. I even regretted the fact that he was my father. I promised to become someone successful, so I can prove to him how hopeless he is as he is. But looking back, amid my ill-feelings for my father, there was never a time that I disrespected him. I never shouted, shamed or dishonored him. My mother instilled in me and in my sister to respect him regardless of who he is and what he can’t be for the family.

As of this writing, my dad is in the hospital and in tremendous pain because of colon cancer. He has been fighting colon cancer for quite sometime now. Early this morning, my mother called saying that my dad wanted to talk to me. As I spoke with him, my memories with him and my childhood all came flashing back. While listening to his ailing voice, I wanted to comfort him and assure him that everything is going to be all right. But I didn’t. I can’t. Maybe I should have. But I didn’t.

Right now, my prayer is for his recovery. That whatever pain he is feeling right now, God will extend his healing hand and comfort him. Coupled with my prayer is some hope. Hope that I may be able to forgive myself for the resentment against my father. If growing up with my father is like war, I guess he deserve the special kind of respect am giving him. After all, he stood by me, my sister and my mom, shoulder to shoulder in times of nothingness and uncertainty.

Get well soon, Pa.

I KNOW HIM BY HEART (dedicated to my single friends)

 I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart
No, we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart.

I NEED TO BE A DIFFERENT PERSON

While am writing this, my mind is literally in a blur. I mean, am thinking about the words that am going to use in this entry while thinking about the deliverables that I need to accomplish in the office. Yes, you’re right. Am writing this blog while am in the office trying to finish all my tasks. I guess this is how I cope with pressure and stress. Catharsis as my friends put it. And yes, at this point, am not scared and embarrassed to admit that am nervous and anxious. After all, am still human right?

I don’t know if I should be excited. I guess I share the same feeling with my team mates Aldz and Demi, or my team mates in Manila. You see, we have a number of projects this Q4 and we are just overwhelmed by it. As a Team Lead, I need to focus. I need to concentrate. I need to be a different person. Hmmm that sounds profound J J J I NEED TO BE A DIFFERENT PERSON! There. I repeated it. Sometimes, I can be so dramatic.

I should refrain from being panicky.

I should not be pikon because am pretty sure people will take advantage of it.

I need to be less sensitive. Less irritable. Touchy. Short-tempered.

I must master the art of saying “NO!”

I have to re-learn reaction-formation.

I have to prepare myself for sleepless nights. Sleepless days.

Cliche as it may sound, I need to always remember that what other people think about me is none of my business.

At this point, am just thankful because I have a team that rocks! Tried and tested. Remember Summer Pilipnas, Aldz and Dems? So, here we go again. Buckle up guys. MARLBORO BLACK LANG ANG KATAPAT!

ME. ME. ALL ABOUT ME.

Am mad and sad today. That rhymes, ayt? Time and again, am reminded that there are people who would put you down, say things against you and make you feel bad about yourself.

I want to feel good about myself again and be reminded that am special. That, there are some people who appreciate what I do and what I do for them. So this entry is dedicated to myself. ME. ME. All About ME.

FOREVER JOSH

By Ms. Donna S. Chaves

Outstanding Principal of Region-10 2004

The principal's phone rang two summers go and she heard this very articulate and well-modulated voice as if an Adonis seducing a lost maiden. He was looking for a job in teaching English. "So sorry but we are filled up," said the principal. Then he insisted on Civics. The principal asked about his qualifications. He is a writer. He was a senior journalist working for Sun.Star Cagayan de Oro at the same time he wrote stories, poetry and scripts. Talking with him could have been forever. He liked theater and arts too.

Mr. Jose I. Eballe, popularly known as Sir Josh, could have been a forever thing on the phone but resisting meeting the Adonis was impossible. He came the day after the call and conversations with him were a forever-bombastic thrill. This polished man is very intelligent and interesting! Talk about the weather in Alaska or Shakespearean tragedies, he won't fail to deliver the facts.

We were hesitant to hire him because he was overqualified or should we say, he was too modish for the school. We were afraid that he could not do school chores.

Genevieve Jalon, the Department Head of the High School did not give a second thought and said, "I am taking him in because this man is definitely cream of the crop and I do not want to miss this opportunity. Panagsa-on ra si Josh."

The principal said, "it's your choice. If he flaps, he is your cargo. I feel that he is too refined for the job and we cannot order him to do menial work."

Josh was never late nor absent. His attendance was forever excellent!

Josh chaired the publication of the Angelette, came up with a new newspaper format and his articles were forever extensive.

Josh directed the play "Walang Sugat" that gathered a phenomenal 6, 000 spectators during the opening day. He wrote speeches for the school, coached for oratorical competitions, journalism contests, quiz bee competitions, debate tournaments outside the school and hahaha even danced and sing on stage just to please his audience. He is forever multi-intelligent.

Josh as a teacher has brilliant classroom management skills, his lessons are innovative, spiky, creative, comprehensive, substantial...forever with the highest standards. With this, he was awarded as the Most Promising Teacher of 2003, Exemplary Teacher of 2004 and Outstanding Teacher of 2005.

He is well-groomed - smells absolutely boyish, wears polished shoes and ironed clothes and very self-spoken in conversations. Some people mistook him as indifferent but he is charming, cute, thoughtful and sincere.

Josh, Joshie, Jose... he is forever cool.

Josh is the best friend to all the teachers and an escort to whoever does not have a date. He is there to rescue a frustrated old maid and make her feel brand new. He is forever a gentleman.

Josh is dedicated, industrious, intelligent and most of all he is forever a wonderful teacher.

We wonder if there could be anyone like him. Maybe perhaps, there is only one, true, irreplaceable Josh.

MOROCCO GOES DIGITAL. SOON!

After Monte Carlo, Tales of Morocco coming very soon. Am so excited and I just can't hide it. Watch this space for more details!

RANDOM THOUGHTS 1

one...

I find it funny that am reading the blogs of the people I dislike. Why am I checking on how they're doing? Am not stalking them, am I?

Moving on. Let me check the blogs of the people I like :-)


two...

Have you ever had that feeling where you want to jump into something yet, there is that force that holds you back and you just can't disect the real problem because you are afraid about what the answer may be? I've been to that whirlpool lately.


three...

A friend e-mailed me asking why I stopped writing. Actually, I did not stop. It's just that am not feeling for it right now. He wanted me to write something romantic because he digs it but, I was contemplating on how uncredible I am of the topic. Yeah, I have been posting thoughts about L-O-V-E in all its angles - idealistic, realistic, superficial and the like but then, my thoughts and words are always compromised by my actions. I'm just another person who gets hurt, who wallows, who becomes bitter, angry, jealous, lonely, ridiculous, unreasonable, depressed...who gets euphoric with simple hellos, smiles, hugs, encouragement.


four...

There are moments when you are caught between "turning the other cheek" or you want to get even by giving him/her his/her own doze of medicine. This happened to me just recently.


five...

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. Ahmm, make that "and Tuesdays always get me down." It has been raining since this morning and the sight of it just adds to the feeling of wanting to snuggle in your covers and pretend its Saturday. However, back to reality and I'm seen here in my computer trying to finish all my reports.

BECAUSE OF SITTI

I paused for a while amid the hills of paper works that I need to accomplish when the song of Sitti was played (you see, am a global learner so I can’t function if am not motivated by music.) I don’t know if ‘twas sheer coincidence or nature just have its way of telling us our lessons the weirdest way because Sitti’s song sinked in to my emotionally disturbed heart (hehehe) and yeah, as expected of me, I wallowed inside my office.

The lines goes like (and I bet everybody is familiar with this):

Di kita pipilitin

Sundin mo pang iyong damdamin

Hayaan nalang tumibok ang puso mo

Para sa akin…

and the song continued…

Kung ako ay papalarin

Na ako'y iyong mahal na rin

Pangakong ikaw lang ang iibigin

Magpakailanman

Funny…I told myself, because it exactly mirrored how I view things lately. You see, you can never force people to reciprocate your feelings no matter how you try. You just have to be contented that although you can’t elevate friendship to something that is romantic, you just have to value the presence and the memories of the person. I am happy to look in hindsight, that the times we’ve spent are worth it and never dull. I learned to trust, listen, speak out, and be patient. Sometimes, its not ill to be hopeful…to be hopeful that someday, the person you dear will feel the same way.

To you, Bon Voyage!

---

Just reposting this entry I wrote last March 1, 2007. I can still remember very well when I wrote this entry with a heavy heart. But again, nature has the most absurd way of telling us our lessons because after posting this, I got my answer. And yes, a happy one!



HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

I was browsing through my old collection of poems and sonnets and I found this piece from Elizabeth Browning. It’s very nostalgic since I have not heard nor read this sonnet for a long time. I first met Browning’s sonnet when I was in high-school when my English teacher allowed us to interpret the sonnet through a role play. From that point until today, I can’t count the ways how much I love thee…

Allow me to paste the entirety of the sonnet and am hoping you’ll be able to see the magic of it :-) 

HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of every day's

Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love with a passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life! and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

HAPPY WORLD TEACHER'S DAY

My goal is to give my students knowledge and get them informed about the current trends in the world. In each discussion, at whatever level, I mark my success by the extent to which I can imagine myself as having vanished into thin air at the end, leaving each student fully able to carry on teaching him/herself. What I want is to show to my students that they have the strength to cope with all the truth they perceive that, if their thinking is not neat or does not square with what they want to think (or think they should think), they have the strength to admit it. I want them to see that the truth is enough. I want them, for instance, to be capable of living. I want to show to my students that they are strong enough to deal with complexity and paradox without denying its existence by attempting to argue away inconvenient truths.

Teachers are role models for their students. I try to present myself to them as someone who enjoys doing what he's doing, who loves learning, who loves teaching, who is compassionate, and who listens.

HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY!

---

I wrote this article four years ago when I was still teaching at Angelicum Learning Centre. Looking back, I could firmly say, that it was the best days of my life.

Here's to my fellow teachers! Cheers!

HAPPY WORLD TEACHER'S DAY!