Me and my dad…we are not close. I guess our relationship is not something that we call ideal. Yes, we talk. But amid our conversations, there is that silence. When I was younger, there were times that I wish for his demise because I cannot stand his presence. I was angry with my father. I even regretted the fact that he was my father. I promised to become someone successful, so I can prove to him how hopeless he is as he is. But looking back, amid my ill-feelings for my father, there was never a time that I disrespected him. I never shouted, shamed or dishonored him. My mother instilled in me and in my sister to respect him regardless of who he is and what he can’t be for the family.
As of this writing, my dad is in the hospital and in tremendous pain because of colon cancer. He has been fighting colon cancer for quite sometime now. Early this morning, my mother called saying that my dad wanted to talk to me. As I spoke with him, my memories with him and my childhood all came flashing back. While listening to his ailing voice, I wanted to comfort him and assure him that everything is going to be all right. But I didn’t. I can’t. Maybe I should have. But I didn’t.
Right now, my prayer is for his recovery. That whatever pain he is feeling right now, God will extend his healing hand and comfort him. Coupled with my prayer is some hope. Hope that I may be able to forgive myself for the resentment against my father. If growing up with my father is like war, I guess he deserve the special kind of respect am giving him. After all, he stood by me, my sister and my mom, shoulder to shoulder in times of nothingness and uncertainty.
Get well soon, Pa.
my dad passed away just a little over a year ago. October 6 in fact. interesting parallelisms. he died of cancer (your dad is still living so cherish that), me and pa were distant, not really close to each other as i grew up without my parents (most of the time), we weren't hostile though, and he was very supportive of what i do. i almost never got to tell him that I love him, but i did, i got the chance. hmmm, hope you get that chance. in due time of course.
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